So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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