you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
