Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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