When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
