I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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