i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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