I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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