for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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