we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
