Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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