a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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