I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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