My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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