i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
