i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it was like eating out sand paper
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
