There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
