my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
