In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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