there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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