me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
