I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
