I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
