If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
