It's like God shit irony all over that family
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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