Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
