i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
