good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
