Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
