so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
