hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
