That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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