HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
