i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize