just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
