Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
