if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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