Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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