You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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