Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
