I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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