You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
