remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
