Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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