I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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