If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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