Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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