I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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