i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
