So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
