i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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