I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
