so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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