I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize