youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize