I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
