i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
