I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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