Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
