Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
