just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Randomize
