so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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