Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
