In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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