Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
