Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
