Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
