Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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