SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Did I show you my penis last night?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
