I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
