i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
