Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You took a bar mat shot.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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