Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
