soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
