just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
