she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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