Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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