I'm lost and stupid without you.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
