All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
