i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
